Brian “Head” Welch – Save Me From Myself

…if only someone hadn’t saved Head from himself, then perhaps we wouldn’t have this ridiculous album on our hands.  Honestly, after reading some reviews of this thing I thought it would be a lot more over the top than it actually is.  I mean when you read statements in reviews like “greatest piece of unintentional comedy I’ve ever heard” well it sorta puts the thing on a pedestal in terms of expectations, for stupidity that is.  In actuality the majority of this album just sounds like a generic alternative radio rock band trying to imitate Korn, badly.  Why is it that practically everyone who becomes a born-again Christian in the rock world loses their ability to make good music?  It’s no wonder no one with a brain can take religious metal seriously when this is the sort of shit populating the genre.  I should point out that the artwork on this album is pretty damn funny though with Head posing all over the CD like a wannabe Jesus with eyeliner and braids (see above and search Google if you want to see more); what a fucking tool.

Basically this album is the culmination of Head’s “journey” from his evil ways of the past: boozing it up, snorting tons of blow and meth and smacking around his wife to finding Jesus and salvation because he’s too much of a pussy to clean up on his own.  It’s funny when you read comments from Head like this one: “The video for ‘Flush’ is about crystal meth addiction and the crazy things anyone addicted to meth will do while they’re high or to get their fix. Everything the models were doing in the video is what I was wrapped up in while I was addicted to meth. The video is a very realistic look at the addiction and where it will lead you if you get hooked. I understand the images of the models may be too much for some people, but honestly, I was just trying to be real with what happened in my life and show where I was, as well as where I am at now. I was totally imprisoned by meth … I would do anything to get my meth … I believe I would be dead right now if I continued using meth, but instead, I chose to surrender my life to Christ and die to myself so He could share His resurrection with me … Significantly, the images also go along with what the kids (not actors) at the beginning of the video were honestly saying about their addictions.” And then the lyrics for the song are about abusing alcohol and puking, which is something I’m told most uppers (like good ol’ meth) stop you from doing. So is Head still on the meth?
That and I’m not sure what the “controversy” was with the models since it was just two somewhat scantily clad women pouring red sand all over each other.  I guess the red sand somehow signifies addiction to meth, or booze, or well I don’t know.  Oh, they also puke up some black shit, maybe that was just too much for the retailers to handle, I dunno.  I’m fine with an anti-drug message (though personally I find a more satirical approach to be more to my taste as opposed to this), but it doesn’t work when your singing about one thing and then supposedly making your video about something else because it’s “edgier” since nobody gives a fuck about your drinking problem.  I love the part where he says “The video is a very realistic look at the addiction and where it will lead you if you get hooked”.  So playing guitar with flashing lights, chains, puking up black sludge, and hot models playing around with red sand is a very realistic look at addiction?  Cuz I thought meth addiction was something more along the lines of rotten nubs of teeth from grinding and decay, scabby meth acne, not eating, and selling yourself and everything you own for drugs while you live in a dilapidated shit hole and probably die of a combination of AIDS, syphilis and extreme herpes.  But what do I know, I wasn’t the one addicted to meth, so I guess Head’s the expert.

"a very realistic look at the addiction and where it will lead you if you get hooked"

nah, that's just some shit you see in the movies, Head knows what the fuck he's talking about

Then I got to the middle point of the album, and the title track, Save Me From Myself.  The middle section where Head does his best impression of a pissed off Jonathan Davis screaming “thank you father, I live for you now” after a bunch of horseshit about how unhappy he was being a multi-millionaire with enough cash to be blasted out of his mind on coke everyday is laugh out loud ridiculous.  I’m sorry, but do people actually feel for rich ass rock stars when they whine about how tough their lives are and how hard it is basically partying every single day?  I tell you what, I’ll switch places with any rock star in a second and they can come and work my boring shitty job to live paycheck to paycheck and we’ll see how “hard” their rock star lives are then.  Wah wah wah, I have so much money I don’t know what to do with it and I sniff coke off of a hookers ass after every show.  Life is so hard for me, I’m so unhappy, I think I’m going to go bat shit crazy, run to the middle east and become a born again Christian because I’m unable to face reality and have to rely on a story book to make myself feel better.  Fuck off.

Y’know what, the people I know that got addicted to blow weren’t unhappy because they were doing blow every day, they were unhappy because unlike people like Head, they couldn’t actually afford to do coke everyday and ended up not being able to pay rent and eating old stale donuts from the food bank to live.  Without the very real consequences of poverty due to a life of excess, the woes of this rockstar just come across as whiny bullshit because they’re unhappy that songs they co-wrote about being called a fag in highschool aren’t changing the world.  Suck it up ass clown.

Then, he does one better with Die Religion Die.  In this song Head has the audacity to write lyrics from the perspective of God/Jesus about how religions have got it all wrong and then goes on to spout off a series of statements that ironically every non-religious person out there already knows; that religious doctrine is horseshit.  Apparently Head considers himself a modern day prophet, though quite obviously reading the Old Testament was not a pre-requisite for this new found status in life (last I checked in that particular book God wasn’t so much about the loving as he was about the mass murder).  The message is OK I guess, but coming from Head (especially during the Daddy style Korn freakout section (umm, yeah the songs not about how you were ass raped as a child, tone down the emotion bud), it’s absolutely impossible to take seriously.  It just comes off sounding fucking retarded.

Honestly, I don’t really give a shit what anyone wants to believe in.  If you have to brainwash yourself into believing there’s some invisible big brother watching everything you do to not be a serial killer, that’s fine.  But don’t record an album about your beliefs, and don’t make it a pathetic attempt at cashing in on your former band’s sound.  Bands like As I lay Dying might be Christian in their beliefs, but their albums aren’t ridiculous sermons.  Same thing can be said for guys like Dave Mustaine and Max Cavalera (though the former is a bit too much about telling everyone how he’s a born again and how Christianity fixed all of his problems again and again for my tastes).  Honestly I feel anyone in metal who has turned born again Christian is nothing but a hypocritical sack of shit but I’ll still listen to the music if it’s good (because that’s what really matters).  Head doesn’t even have that; his stuff is as generic as it comes.

That said, if you’re going to sing lyrics about your religious beliefs, there is only one religion that is acceptable in metal, and that is Satanism.  You know what the reason is (and I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t because I actually believe in a devil)?  It’s because most of that satanic shit is just to piss off the conservative bible thumpers by going against everything they consider “right” in their deluded moral superiority, and that’s what I love about it.  The appeal of metal is the bad-assery and the evil.  Not that I don’t think people who actually worship Satan as a real deity are just as ridiculous as any of the other religious (if not more so since it’s entirely based on the writings of a religion they supposedly hate), but at least it’s entertaining instead of being a bunch of sappy, lovey crap.  Juxtaposition of contrasting elements can work in some things, but not in this case.  Shit, most of the so-called “satanic” bands are actually pagan anyway, and they don’t push it like a religion, it’s more about interest in history, ancient culture and myth.

The foundation of metal was built on the rebellion against oppressive Christian morals.  Now a bunch of my metal heroes are turning into Jesus freaks cuz their getting old and afraid of dying, what a bunch of fucking wimps.  Fuck them, fuck this band, and fuck Head.