the taint

The Taint

There was quite a lot of controversy around this one in toon town when it’s screening, along with Dead Hooker in a Trunk which would have been paired with it in a double feature, was cancelled at the Roxy Theatre.

According to an article in the Saskatoon Star Phoenix, the movie caused the Roxy theatre to get a bunch of complaints and posters for The Taint were ripped down all over Broadway and downtown (probably by a bunch of femanazis and/or self righteous bible thumpers I’m sure).  When the Dark Bridges film festival (the guys putting on the double bill) complained of censorship the douche bag president of Magic Lantern (the company that runs the Roxy Theatre) had this to say:

Our theatre does not play pictures that are smut nor use titles whose only purpose is to shock and offend (though we are, from time to time, presented with that option)” and he went on to state “the decision to run the movies in the first place was regrettable” and “one of the Roxy’s employees did not use managerial discretion in reviewing a proposed rental”.  Tom Hutchinson (the president) further added the cancellation was "a private employee-employer matter".

Shit like this just makes people like me want to see the movie even more dumbass. I haven’t been to the Roxy yet, but I heard it was a really nice restoration of the old theatre, but after reading this I think I’ll spend my money elsewhere.  They’re just fucking movies, grow some goddamn balls!

Anyhoo, with all of this controversy and posters with “Kill Women” on them being ripped down I knew this would be a must-see movie. So I went down to the Broadway Theatre last weekend for a midnight screening of The Taint.  Nice to see at least one theatre with the guts to show this kind of grindhouse style entertainment is still left in our “moral and clean” city where alcohol consumption and stripping are not allowed in the same room. 

Does The Taint live up to the hype, and is it as sick as the poster defacers would have you believe?  Pretty much yeah.  The Taint was probably one of the most outrageous movies I’ve seen in a theatre, and this is coming from a guy who’s seen shit like Flesh for Frankenstein, Barbed Wire Dolls, Cannibal Holocaust and Poultrygeist up on the big screen (all at the Broadway of course).  Basically imagine the sickest Troma movie ever and you have a good idea of the type of movie you’re getting into here.  The movie is packed front to back with over the top gore and depravity (including more ejaculating cocks shown on screen than any non-porn movie I have ever seen), but it’s also a satire and really shouldn’t be taken seriously like a lot of the pussies who were against it being shown would have you believe.  Considering they judged the movie solely on some text on a poster I guess it shows how intelligent they are though, so why bother considering their point of view.

Fans of really cheesy and exploitive shit like the movies of Bill Zebub, a lot of the gorier low budget stuff from the 80's and of course the aforementioned Troma will eat this shit up.  You get all sorts of awesomely gruesome violence including heads being smashed in, brains being removed, cocks being blown off (a lot), whippings, beatings, shootings, all sorts of great stuff.  The acting is hilariously bad, but perfectly walks the line of still being funny without trying too hard to be cheesy and intentionally being unintentionally funny, which never works.

You can tell the budget is low on this bad boy, but they spent their money in all the right places (i.e: gore), and the actors all give it their all in terms of stripping down or doing filthy things that they probably got paid peanuts to do, so you gotta give props there.  Nothing sucks harder than a low budget movie like this that is completely devoid of sleaze because they couldn’t get enough money to pay actors to do that and have enough for the gore props.  Not the case here. The puking scene looks totally real in this one too so I'm thinking someone must've chugged some ipecac to do that one...dedication.

Oh yeah, I guess I should take the time to mention, the title of the movie The Taint does not refer to the part of your body between the nutsack/vag and the asshole.  The Taint in this case is referring to the tainting of the water supply which occurs in this movie that causes an apparent world-wide apocalypse. Any man who drinks the water turns into a depraved, cock out, non-stop ejaculating, zombie misogynistic killer with an insatiable lust for slaughtering women.  Yes you did read that correctly.  If you are a fan of over the top horror and exploitation and this does not sound appealing to you, go back to watching shit like the Prom Night remake poser.

I thought the lampooning of the whole concept that these sorts of movies are nothing but beat-off material for misogynists was actually pretty clever underneath all of the juvenile (and I mean that in the most endearing sense) crudeness.  The funny thing about this one is that with the whole tagline of “Kill Women” and all the haters thinking it’s glorifying the killing of women, more men are killed in the film than women are and alot of the satire seems to be centred around the insecurities of men and making fun of stereotypes the feminists have been spouting since the slasher craze of the late 70’s and early 80’s: that these films are only enjoyed by the type of pigs who populate this film and spout shit like “gang rape is OK now that society is over”(paraphrasing). 

One other thing I wanted to mention was the absolutely killer soundtrack.  It totally elevated the movie in quality, and I’m pretty stoked to be getting it when I order my ultimate package from The Taint website.  The awesome opening credits sequence (which opens with an extended close up shot of tits, audience attention is at 100%) backed by this music will definitely have you sold, and it’s cool that they went with an original score instead of either a really shitty DTV style generic sci-fi channel soundtrack or trying to pack in too many underground bands.  Having a bunch of bands on the soundtrack can be cool, but often it isn’t pulled off well, and in the low budget world where sound design often suffers, it can often lead to a muddled audio mess.  Not the case here.

The Taint gets my highest recommendation both for seasoned sickos like myself and for people who want to watch one of the most over the top gross outs available.  Great movie to watch with friends and drugs and alcohol, and a must for all fans of the gooier efforts of the 80’s like Street Trash, Bad Taste and Redneck Zombies.