The Irony of Simpsons Merchandise

Over the years The Simpsons has parodied celebrities selling out via the creation of excessive low grade merchandise through the Krusty the Clown character.  They even parodied themselves in Treehouse of Horror 2 when the Simpsons, the characters, became famous and everyone got annoyed how their faces were plastered all over everything.  You know what’s ironic about that?  It’s the fact that then the makers of the shown turned around and became Krusties themselves by signing off on a cornucopia of the cheapest, shoddiest merchandise imaginable, all bearing the name and likenesses from The Simpsons television show.

To me, it sorta dilutes the effectiveness of your satire, when you yourself behave in exactly the same manner as the behaviors your satirizing.  Just my two cents there Mr Groening.  Oh I know, it was the evil executives at Fox who forced your hand, and by forced I think you mean paid you enough money that the only things you ever have to force are yourself to actually continue to care about making the show funny and the cocaine through the straw into your nostril. I understand, cocaine is expensive, and Matt wants his fix.

A perfect example is every single video game to bear the name of The Simpsons.  Remember the first Simpsons game on the Nintendo back in the glory days of 8-bit gaming?  It was called Bart vs The Space Mutants.  If you remember that game then you will also remember how utterly fucking horrible it was.  No wonder Acclaim Entertainment isn’t around any more putting stinkers like that out.

Here are some other Simpsons games that redefined the term suckage in videogames and should be studied by video game programmers everywhere for how not to make a game:

I’m not making this shit up, all of these games are real, yes that’s right they have made 24 fucking Simpsons games since 1991.  That works out to approx 1.5 Simpsons games released every year.

Here are some other examples of the amazing quality of some other Simpsons merchandise available to you the consumer:


Here we have a Simpsons puzzle ball (entitled "barbeque" leading me to believe there are actually range of these things) and some Simpsons noodles, mmmmm shaped noodles always taste better.

burnsmask bartmaskhomermask

Oh boy!! All your Simpsons Halloween needs! I especially like how they made Bart look like a buck tooth mongloid, and decided to give Homer the "sleepy, yet thoughtful" look, you know the one you never see in the show.


Remember when the Simpsons movie came out and they turned 7-11 into a Kwik-E-Mart. Strangley I don't remember the Kwik-E-Mart in the show selling only products with pictures of the Simpsons on them....PS: I bet that Donut is the pinnacle of bakery fresh!


Here's three items that sit near the top end of the list of useless shit you would never want. How about a Simpsons magic 8-ball, wow, those were so awesome in the 1970's!! Dude, I just can't thrash hard unless I use my Bart Simpson guitar pick. And the third item, a Simpsons 20 questions electronic game. In the blue box (which you probably can't read) it says "Think of something and answer my questions" then "I can read your mind". Hmm, it has 7 buttons on the front, but it is a Simpsons 20 Questions game, this math simply isn't working out.


You knew it was coming. Nothing says sell out like a cheap as fuck sugery breakfast cereal. Tell me something do you really want to eat a cereal called "Krusty-O's". That doesn't at all make me think of ass crusties...Nowadays though, cereal is so passé, to get the maximum profits you need your own energy drink. Chug back a Flaming Moe!!


Here we have some high quality action figure replicas of the Simpsons. I'm not sure what the deal is with the first one as it says "collectible art" on the box, but I love how they made Homer look kinda built in the second (he's got the gut, but his chest, arms and shoulders look like he's been bench pressing kegs of Duff beer), also notice how they made Lisa look like a slack jawed inbred.

OK, well I think I proved my point; Matt Groening (I will never understand how that says grain-ing and not groan-ing) is a Krusty.