Robots, A Damn Good Reason to Stay Alive

You know, I hear people bitching that they have nothing to live for.  I can think of one reason that everyone who is within 10-20 years of my age has to live for.  That reason friends, is robots. Now I know all of you faithful Geekologie readers out their have probably already been brainwashed into robot racists at this point (he hates robots for some reason), but personally I think a future world full of robots is pretty damn cool, and I'm looking forward to living in one.

I read an article that said in the next 10 or 20 years they are going to have true, intelligent Artificial Intelligence (or A.I. as it is commonly abbreviated).  We already have bipedal, humanoid robots walking around in Japan.  It isn’t going to be long before you could have your very own protocol droid.  Get me a beer C-3PO! Personally, the more I think about it, the happier I get, because robots are going to be a reality in my lifetime.   I’m talking full on, walking, talking, and autonomous robots.

And just think, if robots are this close to realization, how much longer do you think it will take before we have the hover boards from Back to the Future 2?  Not long I bet.  Everyone wants a hover board that has watched that movie, and probably even some other people who haven’t seen the movie as well.

You know what I bet is going to sell robots to the average consumer?  Sex bots.  I bet you it’ll be just like how porn is the reason we have home video now.  Oh you didn’t know porn is the reason we have home video?  It’s true.  Here’s what happened.  Back in the old days we had VHS and BETA tapes.  The quality of home entertainment at the time was a far cry from what you could get in the theatre.  Not only that, but the machines to play the tapes (called VCR’s for those of you too young to know what that is) were prohibitively expensive, as were the movies to play in them.  Everybody figured it wasn’t going to take off, and that movies would always be in theatres, and TV shows would always be on TV. 

But then porn came into the mix.  Previously, to watch porn you had to either go to a sleazy porn shop and watch it in a booth that 500,000 other guys had already jacked off in, or go to a theatre and watch it with 100 other guys all jerking off.  You could also buy a projector and porn films on 8mm film, but pretty much only the serious porn creeps were going to that level to get their fill of smut.  But with videocassettes, porn lovers the world over could buy porn on VHS or BETA with greater ease than ever before, and enjoy it in the privacy of their own home.  They no longer had to dawn sunglasses and a trench coat so no one else at the porn shop would know that they were getting their jollies from donkey porn, they could enjoy their bestiality in the comfort of their own home, free from the judgments of their peers.

So now that every porn fan had bought a VCR, they might as well get some normal movies for the wife and kids too.  Hence, home video was born.  Even though in terms of quality it is only now that the home experience is near the same level of quality as the theatre, the desire to watch smut without anyone else’s cock and balls, or semen residue being in the room with you was enough for everyone it seems.

But back to robots, well rather cyborgs.  I mean if they can make robots, then cyborgs should be on the menu as well I think.  I would totally go for cybernetic modification if I had the chance.  I mean how bad ass would it be to have cybernetic eyes that you could see for miles with a telescopic zoom, or you could record everything you looked at for playback later (eye candy would become eye desert buffet), or that have the ability to switch to infra red, night vision or even X-ray vision.  And you could have your very own HUD.  Imagine how bad ass it would be to have a health bar and an aiming cursor in your vision.  Fucking bad ass!

The other thing that would be sweet about being a cyborg is you could get one of those controllable metabolisms they mention in Ghost in the Shell.  You could never get fat, you never get hung over, nothing.  Imagine how rad it would be to be able to eat greasy fast food, Fritos and drink nothing but beer and whiskey and never feel any of the ill side effects?  FUCKING rad that’s how rad!  Now imagine you had a missile launcher that popped out of one arm and a chain gun that popped out of the other.  I don’t think words can express how great life would be if you had high powered weaponry cybernetically grafted to your appendages.

But back to sex bots.  Like I said earlier, I think they’re going to be the big ticket.  I mean you have all of these internet geeks that are so fucking socially anemic they have to get married in World of Warcraft and shit like that.  You can’t tell me that if they created a realistic looking/feeling sex bot that these people wouldn’t be breaking down the door to get their hands on one of them.  I can just picture it now, you’ll have testimonials like this: “You mean I can play WoW for 23 of 24 hours every day, hooked up to a catheter and colostomy bag, and still get to have 0.00005 seconds of sexual pleasure (before prematurely ejaculating) every night with something other than my hand?   In the words of Xarnathark the dark elf wizard, Schneeuve Engfh Almantoyscz! That means: where do I sign up, for all of you non-Azerothians”.  I bet every pimple faced, left-handed trekkie out there would sell his (or her) soul to get their hands on their own personal sex bot with testimonials like that! 

Then once all of the technology companies out there see how well those robots are selling they can start adding features like the "house cleaning" option, or the "go to work and do my job for me" option to the sex bots at an additional charge.  We’re talking techno utopia at that point.

So yeah, to anyone out there planning on killing themselves, how about sticking around for a while. I'm pretty sure a combination of cybernetic enhancement and a sex bot who does all of your house work and has 46 speeds of suction is gonna fix pretty much any issues you might be having right now. Just have a little patience, maybe throw on a little Slayer and practice hardening the fuck up for a while, and before you know it you'll be riding your hover board home at top speed to do all sorts of nastiness to your sex bot.

Just don’t ever give AI control of the nukes, or police, or government, and we should be OK.