Impark Practice Legalized Rape

If you’ve ever found yourself the recipient of a $30 parking ticket for being in an impark lot mere minutes past the expiration of your parking pass, you will truly know what it means to be raped.  These fucking jerkoffs have somehow managed to figure out a way to charge people money to park on a patch of fucking dirt and get away with it.  They aren’t even the city or any sort of government organization, just a private company who for some reason is able to affect your credit limit and hold power over people to charge them to park on their lots.
You just gotta love how these fucks have set it up so that, for example, if you want to go to a movie during the afternoon you have no choice but to park in their lot and pay 5 dollars to do it.  Reason being is that no meter in the city has a limit of more than two hours, and no movie (what with all the motherfucking commercials and previews) is ever less than 2 hours.  This wouldn’t matter so much at night, except that the parking on the street is without exception always full, so you must park in either the theatre lot or the lot across the street, both run by Impark.

Here are just a few reasons why these cocks deserve to get cancer in some part of their digestive tract for all the years of forcibly penetrating innocent people’s metaphorical rectums each and every time they had to pay Impark’s astronomical rates or tickets:

-The signs claim that the price to park in the lot as well as money collected goes to maintaining Impark’s lots.  More like it goes into maintaining Impark’s executives’ coke and hooker habits.  When I think “maintained” and “parking lot” naturally I think paved.  Nope, Impark prefers the "post-WWII shelled" look for their lots, and they're covered with nothing but dirt.  During the spring, or any time it rains, half of the lot turns into a small lake and the other half a muck pit which will result in anyone who traverses it either having 10lb mud socks by the time they get out of it, or wet pants up to the knees (since you can never tell how deep the multitude of pot holes are when they’re filled with water).  During the winter the lot is completely snowed over, and only appears to be somewhat cleared on occasion from the vehicles packing the snow down. 

-Impark’s pricing scheme forces you to buy way more time than you need.  You know what amount of time would make the most sense in a lot next to a fucking movie theatre?  Try 3 hours.  Not 2 hours, and not 4 hours, which is what you have to buy for 5 goddamn dollars everytime you park there.  Sometimes you can beat the system by buying a 1 hr ticket and then a 2 hr ticket, but depending on how much of a cocksmith the parking attendant (read: lower on the scumbag meter than a child molestor asshole) is that night you may find yourself with a ticket for not buying within the hourly groupings as specified on the ticket dispenser.  Go ahead and buy a 2 hour ticket and see if you have a parking ticket on your windshield even if you’re a mere 5 minutes past the 2 hr time limit.  You will, I know.

-Impark’s tickets are absolutely unreasonable.  30 fucking dollars for parking in their lot?  Oh, and if you don’t pay it right away it jumps up to 60 fucking dollars!  If you don’t pay that, then a collection agency will be after you for it sending you letters in the mail incessantly.  Now will they ever take you to court for 60 dollars?  Of course not, the lawyer fee would be way more than that so there’d be no point.  Which is why I kept throwing the letters that came in themail into the garbage for years.  Then it came time to get a loan, and guess what shows up on the ol’ credit record but the damn Impark ticket.  Those dinks even ticketed me for not having my parking stub oriented the correct way on my dash, so I mailed them the ticket that I bought to park there.  If they reply back saying I have to pay the fine I’ll reply to them with the words “go fuck yourself” (I don't need any loans in the near future so might as well make them wait).

I was on Impark’s webpage and they won some “Above and Beyond” award for outstanding service and commitment to clients.  What service, rape of any available orifice?  Stealing my money?  Maybe they were talking about the extremely well maintained parking lots they operate?  I think it’s pretty clear that BOMA (the guys who gave the award) is getting some kick backs from all of the parking tickets Impark is giving out while they provide "outstanding service and commitment to their clients". 

All parking companies and meter maids who work for them (the ones who work for the city included) deserve to die slow and painful deaths (preferably by some nasty fatal disease involving cancerous growths and some sort of abscess on or near their private parts.  FUCK OFF!