CG Car Chases/Crashes Are Not Exciting

I recently read that the new Mad Max movie in the works (yup, they’re making Mad Max 4) is planned to be a hybrid of CG animation and live actors.

OK, it was bad enough when I heard Mel Gibson wasn’t playing Max (sorry, but no one is going to be able to replace him in that role).  But doing a Mad Max movie in CG completely goes against the entire point of a fucking Mad Max movie. 

What is the point of a Mad Max movie you ask?  To see crazy fucking Aussies drive real vehicles like maniacs and perform some of the most psychotic stunts involving moving vehicles possible.  The excitement in the movie comes from the very real danger involved in doing it for real in the middle of nowhere in the outback.  In The Road Warrior when you see a guy crash a motorbike into a wrecked car and go somersaulting through the air end for end he’s not doing it because he’s suspended on wires, he’s doing it because he’s a stunt man with a death wish being thrown off of a real motorbike and being spun end for end in the air to probably land on nothing but an old mattress.  That’s the way you make a fucking hard core post apocalyptic car chase movie.

Doing the whole movie in CG will instead mean you have some pussy ass climbing on a fake car in some studio with a green screen behind them and a fan blowing in their face to make it look like the car’s moving fast.  Yawn.  The end result is about as riveting as me watching my little brother play Grand Theft Auto.  Everyone knows watching someone play a video game is fucking boring, well that’s essentially what they’re going to put up on the screen.

The exact same thing happened in the latest incarnation of The Fast and the Furious.  For most of the movie I was pretty happy with it.  I mean they got the original cast back, had a decent noir style revenge plot going which was cool, but then they go and fuck it up by having the climactic chase at the end of the movie entirely rendered in CG (and shoddily at that).  Sorry I don’t find computer animated vehicles racing through an implausible rabbit’s warren of shittily rendered tunnels to be exciting.  In fact I was about as excited by that sequence as I was by the game Sewer Shark on Sega CD.  The other thing that annoyed me about the movie was the villains extremely short cited plan (I mean they even give Deacon Frost a run for his money), but that will have to be saved for another article). I mean even in The Matrix Reloaded they had the good sense to actually wreck real cars instead of just using CG models and that was a Matrix movie!

CG can be incorporated into a Mad Max movie, but it needs to be used for the right things.  Car chases are not one of them.  Mad Max is built on the foundation of having kick ass car chases.  A Mad Max movie without real car chases is like putting plastic balls into your nut sack in place of real testicles.  Sorry pal, you’re no longer a man no matter how much it looks like you still have testicles.

You know why all of the old “carsploitation” flicks from the 70’s and early 80’s are way better than all of the new flashier ones that come out now?  It’s because they all have one thing in common: real fucking cars on real fucking roads performing vehicular stunts that are actually possible.  When Nicholas Cage ramped his ‘67 Shelby GT 500 over a 6 cars, a cop cruiser, a tow truck, a firetruck and a police patty wagon, and was then still able to drive the vehicle (which appeared to be in perfect condition after the jump) at the end of the Gone in 60 Seconds remake I thought that was taking it too far, but at least there it looked like they used real cars and just did it in a bunch of seperate takes. Nowadays we don't even get that. 

Sure, wrecking real cars is probably more expensive than paying someone to sit at a computer desk and create your whole movie, but you know what?  We’re talking about Mad Max here.  This is THE post apocalyptic movie franchise and it deserves some fucking respect.  Besides, I’m sure Warner Bros can afford it with all of the dough they’re raking in.

Stuntmen need work too, don’t replace them with computer animation.